


Walking a Tightrope

by whumphoarder



Series: Quieting the Void [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Shame, binge eating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 22:35:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18433490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whumphoarder/pseuds/whumphoarder
Summary: Recovery is messy. May finds Peter mid-binge.(A short drabble following the events of "The Five Times Peter's Enhanced Metabolism Screws Him Over + the One Time He Gets Help", in which Peter's spider metabolism causes him to develop a binge-restrictive eating disorder)





	Walking a Tightrope

**Author's Note:**

> This story is set several weeks after "The Five Times Peter's Enhanced Metabolism Screws Him Over + the One Time He Gets Help", just as Peter is beginning his recovery process. I have another drabble in the works focusing on Tony and Peter's relationship throughout the recovery process that I'm hoping to add to this series, but until then, here's some Aunt May love.
> 
> (Thanks to [Sally](https://sallyidss.tumblr.com/) and [Cat](https://xxx-cat-xxx.tumblr.com/) for beta reading and encouragement <3)

The debit card, in theory, is the perfect solution. Now Peter is able to buy all the food he needs to keep up with his crazy metabolism without ever having to worry about going over May’s budget. But in practice, Peter feels it’s the equivalent to giving an alcoholic the keys to a liquor store.

The card sits in his wallet for the first two weeks. He’s terrified to take it out—loath to give the void any more power than it already has. Despite what everyone keeps telling him, it just seems so counterintuitive to Peter that the solution to uncontrolled eating should be _more eating_.

The day that Peter finally breaks is a day that May arrives home from work early to find him sitting on the floor of his bedroom, frantically choking down the contents of two grease-stained fast food paper bags, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“What can I do, Peter?” May asks. Her voice is gentle, quiet.

“I don’t know,” he cries. “I-I don’t know.” The words are thick in Peter’s throat. He wants to shrivel up—to disappear. “I wasn’t going to… I just… I didn’t... ” He isn’t even sure what he’s trying to say. “M’ sorry, I’m so sorry.”

She takes a breath and then softly asks, “Do you want me to stop you?”

Peter knows he should say yes; he knows this is his way out. He’s supposed to be getting better after all. But he’s so fucking _empty._ He’s been walking a tightrope above this ever-growing chasm all day and every muscle inside of him is trembling, screaming at him for release. He can’t keep this up much longer. He has to fall.

Finally, in a voice that’s more of a whimper than anything else, he says, “I just… I just need you to go. Please.”

May takes a long, deep breath. “I will if that’s what you really want,” she says evenly. “But the problem is, I’m not sure that it is.”

Peter chokes out a sob. “I need it,” he cries. “I… I don’t want to, I’m just—” He can’t even say it. He doesn’t have the energy to articulate the battle that he’s currently losing. “I can’t fight it today—I need to do this. Please.”

“Okay.” She gives a small nod of understanding. Carefully, May lowers herself down onto the floor. “Then I’ll sit with you.”

“N-No,” he protests. She can’t see him like this—pathetic and stupid and greedy, surrounded by the food he bought with Tony’s money. He’s dirty. He can’t eat with her watching him.

“Please, Peter,” she whispers. “I won’t stop you, I swear. I just don’t want you to do this alone.”

The shame seeps into him. He hates this—he fucking hates this and he has no idea how to make it stop. Except to go numb.

The rope beneath him snaps. Tears running down his cheeks, Peter starts cramming soggy fries into his mouth one after another, sobbing as he chews. When he tries to swallow, he’s crying so hard that he starts to choke.

Immediately May starts rubbing his back up and down as Peter coughs the half-chewed food back out into a napkin, sobs wracking his frame. “I’m dis-disgusting,” he cries when he can finally breathe again. “I’m s-so disgusting.”

May pulls him close into her side, kissing the top of his head over and over. “You’re not,” she says firmly. “Look at me.” She tilts his chin up to lock eyes with her nephew. “You are  _loved_ , do you hear me? No matter what you do, no matter what happens to you, you are my child and you are _loved_.”

Peter is fully crying now. Tears are blurring his vision and snot is running down his face and his hands are shaking too hard to grasp anything. May just keeps holding him close, his head on her chest, stroking a hand through his hair as she repeats her mantra again and again:

“You are _loved_ , Peter. You are _loved_. You are _loved_.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this was super personal for me to write, but I really felt like it was a part of Peter's journey I needed to include. Because sometimes recovery is messy and ugly and not at all what one would have hoped, but moments like these are so important because overcoming the shame associated with these kinds of issues is honestly half the battle.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated <3
> 
> Come and hang out on tumblr if you'd like! My url is [whumphoarder](https://whumphoarder.tumblr.com/)


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